I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
