I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How many fucks given?
0.12846
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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