he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
