so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
