Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
