once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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