Kiss
Puke
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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