ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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