forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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