Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
