Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
