Your tits are I can't wait for
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize