Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
