She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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