I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
