We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
