I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
