I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
