You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
