I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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