before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
