hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
