And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
