Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
