just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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