Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
