you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
