Non-Jews are for practice
I puked a lego.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
