Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
