Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize