Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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