how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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