i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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