Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
