we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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