Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
