everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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