Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
