Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize