yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
