lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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