im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
