So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
