just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize