I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
