I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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