idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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