I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
