they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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