Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Damn victory sex feels great
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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