I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
