You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
