if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
