Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
