WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
