Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
