How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize