take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm like, not good at living.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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