Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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