If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize