kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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