I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
