you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
