yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
