u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
