I skipped work to stalk him.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
