Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
