Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I looked at my own cervix.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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