I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
