margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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