I am puke
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
