I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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