When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
