yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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