bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
