My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just high enough for therapy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
