I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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