No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
