i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
