i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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