I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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