so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
