Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
