i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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