I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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