this beer tastes like vomit already
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
