pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize