Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
