i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
