I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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