Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
