You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
