I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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