Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
