Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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