SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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