I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
