So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
