Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
