I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
