Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize