god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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