Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
