Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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