I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
