saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
