I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
