i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
