Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We are two peas in an std pod
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
